Today I visited a church I'd never been to before. This is a rare occurrence for me these days. And as much as I enjoyed and appreciated the worship, I was reminded of how disconcerting it is to be a visitor, particularly in a church culture different from your own.
I've grown up in church. Almost every week of my life, I've gone to church. Even when I lived abroad. So I'm not a stranger to church culture. But most of my experience is in Baptist, Lutheran, Presbyterian and Methodist churches (all mainly white). Today I went to an Episcopal church.
Oh, my. I knew I would feel a little out-of-place in following their liturgy because I'm just not used to it. But I'm not unfamiliar with liturgy, and I even use the Book of Common Prayer devotionally sometimes, so I didn't think I would be too discombobulated. I was a little naive.
Part of the problem was that I was a couple minutes late because I realized when I got in the car this morning that it needed gas. So I didn't have those extra few minutes I'd anticipated to adjust to my surroundings. I'd never been inside this church before, and it's a beautiful old church. But it has pillars among the pews, and I had to change seats just so I could see. And they'd already started with the announcements so I didn't have a chance to peruse the bulletin and figure out how it was structured.
So from the very beginning I was scrambling. Which book was I supposed to use? What was I supposed to say and what was I supposed to sing (without music notes, btw)? When was I supposed to kneel and how was I supposed to do that? It was written in the bulletin when to kneel, but I missed the cue to put down your kneeler (what are those things called?) and then wasn't sure how to do it, so I just didn't. I sort of leaned forward rather than kneeling. I'm sure God didn't mind. And hopefully no one next to me minded.
Though my own church tradition is not very liturgical, I've been to more liturgical churches and really appreciate liturgy. It's something I miss, actually, in my tradition. But this is the first church I've been to that uses the BCP (Book of Common Prayer) and doesn't print out the liturgy in the bulletin. This is probably common in Episcopal churches, but I'd never been to one before. I was surprised that sometimes things are sung rather than spoken. And sometimes lines are repeated that aren't written that way. And sometimes sections are skipped. I'm sure that if I went to this church every week, it would all be routine and I wouldn't even think about it, but as a visitor, I found myself feeling mildly confused much of the time.
I've heard it said that Episcopal worship is boring. That was not my experience at all. Maybe it would be if I was used to it, but I found the worship pace to be pretty rapid. I loved the music and the sermon, and the sermon was done by 30 minutes into the service! The next 30 minutes were filled with the Eucharist.
I managed to follow the Eucharist liturgy pretty easily, but then I realized that their Eucharist is the kind where you go up front and kneel. And my first thought was, "Oh holy crap." I hadn't done that kind of Eucharist since I was a kid at my grandparents' church, and I couldn't remember what exactly you were supposed to do. I tried to watch, but I was at the back of the church and it was hard to see. And then when it was my turn, I happened to be the first in my line - ugh. And I went to the wrong place because I didn't see that there was a kneeling rail around the corner of a big pillar. And I confused the minister who was passing the cup because I hadn't yet gotten the wafer because I was in the wrong place. Argh! And then I didn't know what I was supposed to do with my hands. I felt like such a dweeb. It's good that at least I was familiar with taking communion by intinction (dipping the wafer/bread into the cup). Otherwise, I'm sure I would've made a complete fool of myself.
Oh my. And remember, I'm familiar with the BCP, I knew there would be lots of reading and respondng, I knew there would be kneeling, I understand intinction. I go to church every week of my life. And I still felt like a dweeb. Now let me be clear - I liked this worship very much, but I felt one step behind for much of it. Now how would someone who is unfamiliar with church, or with these particular church forms, feel?
I know I've heard (though I'm not sure exactly where) that it's good for long-time church members to visit other churches occasionally just to understand what it's like to be a visitor. And I've even read (I think it was in Jim & Casper Go to Church) that it's good to hire visitors to come to your own church and fill out a survey about what their experience is. That seems radical, I know - to pay someone to come to church for the sole purpose of filling out a survey (not to get them to become members). But I understand how this could be helpful, to get a completely unbiased opinion on what it feels like to be new here. Because what seems so normal to us regular-attenders may seem completely bizarre to a newcomer.
I came away from today's worship with a new appreciation for anyone who's bold enough to step foot into a worship service for the first time. Particularly if you don't know anyone there. And it's not the tradition you've grown up in. It takes a lot of courage. And some willingness to stumble. Hopefully, we regular-attenders will be gracious.
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