"I see you"

My Man and I watched Avatar this past weekend.  For the first time.  We're not exactly up-to-date on our movies (particularly me).  The fact that I saw this one within a year of its release is a bit shocking.  I could see how this movie was impressive on the big screen.  On the small screen - not so much.  It wasn't a bad movie, but mostly it was big on action, light on plot.  And the minimal plot was pretty predictable from the get-go.  But it was a decent popcorn flick, I guess.
 
What struck me about it, though, was one small thing:  the way the Navi (Na'vi, Nav'i?) greet each other with the phrase, "I see you."  Not hello, or hi, or yo, or any variation thereof.  No, it's "I see you."  And for some reason, that small phrase has been running through my mind ever since.

That is what I long for, I guess - to be seen.  As the consummate introvert and perpetual newcomer, it's a big challenge for me to get past the smile and nod phase.  Even among groups of people I've spent significant time with, I still often feel like an outsider.  This is largely because of my personality, but still I long for more than just an acknowledgement of presence.  I long to be seen and known, to be allowed on the inside.  And when someone takes the time to invite me in, I am inordinately pleased and uplifted. 

But do I say "I see you" enough?  Do I pay attention to the outsiders in my midst?  Or even the insiders?  Large groups are overwhelming to me, and I tend to draw within myself or focus on the few people I actually know.  But I, of all people, should be searching for the others on the fringe.  To say, "I see you."  Because we are all worthy of being seen.  We are all valuable creations of God.  We all have brightness within us.  And I hope that I will be more aware of others' brightness as I travel through this new place.

Mark, Day Seventeen

Mark 10:32-52

• So yesterday I said that at least the disciples had enough sense not to tell Jesus they were discussing who would be the greatest.  But today 2 of them (James and John) forgot that sense.  They actually asked Jesus to be at his right and left hand.  Just after Jesus has been teaching that the first will be last and the last will be first.  And that he will be arrested, tortured and killed.  Goodness gracious, these disciples are dim-witted. 
• And then Jesus heals a blind man.

And that's all for today!

Mark, Day Sixteen

Mark 10:1-31

• This passage includes teaching about divorce, children, and riches.  What strikes me about it all is that Jesus is kind of harsh in his teaching - anyone who divorces and re-marries is committing adultery, anyone who doesn't receive the kingdom of God like a child will not receive it at all, anyone who is wealthy will have a really difficult time entering the kingdom of God.  Now, I think Scripture as a whole is a lot about God being a gracious God - forgiving over and over, giving new chances over and over, bringing about reconciliation over and over.  But Jesus seems to be saying, don't take advantage of this graciousness.  Don't assume that you have no responsibility in this, that you can just relax because your life seems OK and follows the letter of the law.  Living a God-filled life is not easy.  And we do a disservice to people when we claim that it is (just say this prayer and follow these rules - it's all spelled out for you).  It bugs me when people call the Bible life's instruction book, though I know it's well-meaning and I understand the sentiment.  The Bible is important to me, too.  But the Pharisees and the rich young ruler (and sometimes the disciples) were all following the Bible as an instruction book, and Jesus rebukes them.  Because while they were following the rules, they were missing the point. 

Mark, Day Fifteen

Mark 9:30-50

• The disciples "discuss" (v. 33, NASB) who of them is the greatest, but at least they have the sense not to tell Jesus that's what they've been discussing.  Maybe they're learning something.  Jesus, though, knows, and tells them the first shall be last, last shall be first.  So stop being such ego-heads.  Why, then, does the church attract egomaniacs?  I'm sure you've seen them. 
• Jesus also says, "Whoever receives one child like this in My name receives Me" (v. 37).  And as a mom, this warms my heart toward Jesus, because that's one of my greatest desires - that people receive my children openly, kindly, lovingly.  And when they don't, it breaks my heart.  But when they do receive my children in that beautiful way, they are also receiving me.  So I get Jesus here.  We should be receiving all people (who are all God's children) the way we want our children to be received.
• Then the disciples complain about someone casting out demons in Jesus' name.  Which seems ridiculous.  But points to our tendency to exclude those who don't have it right by our standards.  But Jesus says, "he who is not against us is for us."  Again, opening his arms rather than closing them. 
• But then there's a lot of hell talk, and that just perplexes me.  At this point, I don't subscribe to the eternal conscious torment view of hell, but I don't have a strong theology of hell (or against hell) either, so I'm never sure how to address people who do, other than to say, "well, I don't believe that."  Not that I expect my belief to be necessarily right.  But I cannot reconcile a loving God with an eternal torturer.  This is one area where I should probably read more widely and intentionally so I have a better answer for this.  Maybe Razing Hell by Sharon Baker.  I bet I can't get that from the library, though.

Mark, Day Fourteen

I'm half-way through Mark!

Mark 9:1-29

• The chapter begins with Jesus' statement, "There are some of those who are standing here who will not taste death until they see the kingdom of God after it has come with power" (v. 1, NASB).  Now, obviously, everyone who was standing there has since died.  So Jesus wasn't referring to some future even that we haven't seen yet.  The kingdom of God has ALREADY come with power.  It's not something we're waiting for.  It's already here.  Which is challenging, because that means we can't just shrug off that which is wrong in the world saying, "Oh well, Jesus will take care of it when he comes back."  No, if the kingdom of God is here now, then we should be recognizing and working for it's ultimate realization here now.   
• Then Jesus takes Peter, James and John up on a mountain and transfigures, his garments becoming "radiant and exceedingly white, as no launderer on earth can whiten them" (v. 3) - I love that earthy description!  Particularly as one who is hopeless with laundry :).  And Jesus talks to Elijah and Moses.  How trippy would that have been!  And so Peter, being frightened out of his wits, puts his foot in his mouth (again), and suggests making tabernacles for all 3 of them.  He tries hard, that Peter.
• When they return to the other disciples, there's a large crowd (as usual).  And someone brings a possessed son (who sounds epileptic) to be healed.  The disciples couldn't heal this boy.  This time it's got to be Jesus.  And Jesus is again frustrated by the disciples, this time for their lack of faith which translates into being unable to heal the boy.  This passage mostly just raises questions for me.  I don't want to knock the power of prayer, but neither do I think we can always (or even often) pray people well, no matter how much faith we have.  But...we are not Jesus. 

Our Week in Pictures

Chuck-E-Cheese bling!  Bright One has been angling to go to C-E-C for weeks now, and she finally got her chance on Tuesday, when B took a group of church kids (all older than her) and she got to tag along.  She was so excited! 

As far as she remembers, she'd never been to C-E-C before.  Actually, the one other time she went, she was almost 2, and it was the day I found out about having a hole in my heart.  I'll never think of C-E-C without remembering it.

Bright One and I finished the first Boxcar Children book.  I think I loved it almost as much this time as I did the first time I read it (at age 7?), maybe more.

And then she made her own boxcar (with a little help) - pink, of course!

Sweet One continues to become more and more his own little man, full of sweet silliness.

He's so much fun these days, but also definitely two!  And potty-training (note the elmo undies!) has certainly brought out his stubborn side. 

More dance parties, this time with head-banging hair!

And still lots of Justin Bieber.  "I want Justin Bieber...I want to hear 'Baby!'" - as heard from The Boy!  I think he's more obsessed than The Girl right now.  And I love to hear him try to sing along. 
Then there's always, "Take my picture, Mommy; take my picture!"

We ended the week with a new-to-us china cabinet (from B's mom).  It's not exactly my style (too many curlicues), but it's a good, solid piece of furniture that now gives us more storage room in our dining room ... for art supplies!  I'm debating whether to try to cover the glass with something so it's not quite so tacky, but it's so convenient to see what we have and get some of those piles out of the floor!

And finally, some sprinkler and water gun fun:

And then B & I actually went out to dinner - just the 2 of us!  An entirely too-rare event.  It was nice.  And we ate lots of meat - also a rare event for us in our nearly-vegetarian home :).

I have enough...

I have enough...

• water
• food
• nutrients
• clothes
• house
• stuff
• family
• children
• friends
• time
• work
• beauty
• love
• creativity
• sleep
• exercise (sometimes)
• books
• health
• security
• money

I have enough.  I have more than enough.
I am enough.

Mark, Day Thirteen

Mark 8:27-38

• Jesus is talking to his disciples about what people think of him.  Mostly, they seem to think he's John the Baptist or other prophet come back to life.  And Jesus says, "But who do you say that I am?"  And Peter answers, "the Christ" (v. 29, NASB).
• So Peter understands a little about Jesus, but when Jesus talks about how he must suffer and be killed, Peter rebukes him.  Rebukes Jesus!  The audacity! :)  And Jesus says to him, "Get behind me, Satan."  Um, whoa.  It has seemed for the last few chapters that Jesus is tired and frustrated and even angry, often with his disciples.  They do seem rather slow.  But it makes me wonder what Jesus thinks of us Jesus-followers these days.  How often do we make him feel tired and frustrated and even angry?  At least the disciples had the excuse that this was all pretty new to them.  We've got 2000 years of Christian history behind us.
• And so Jesus tells them, "whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it."  Which is very noble, but counter-intuitive to our give-me-more culture.  And also a little hard to know how to apply to our present-day security (in the US).  Most of the disciples really did lose their lives for the gospel, but most of us will not, and not because we're choosing the easy way, but because that's not a choice we have to make.  So what do we do?  Jesus has been healing people and feeding people in abundance.  He's not exactly telling people to suck it up and live lives of pain and hardship.  Some people will, of course, but that doesn't seem to be what he's advocating as the best way for all people.  So what part of our lives do we need to lose?  There are lots of answers to this, I'm sure, but I'm wondering what part of my life do I need to lose?  In my grasping for community and security and comfort, what do I need to lose for Jesus' sake?

Mark, Day Twelve

Mark 8:1-26

• This chapter begins with the Feeding the 4000 miracle.  Now, how dumb are the disciples?  Jesus has already performed the Feeding the 5000 miracle, but when he tells them he wants to feed all these people (who have been with him for three days! - that's quite a revival meeting), they say, "How will we do that?!"  Duh.  And so Jesus again uses a few loaves and fish and feeds everyone so much that there are leftovers.
• And then some Pharisees question Jesus again, wanting a sign from heaven from him, and he answers "sighing deeply in His spirit" (v. 12) that this generation will get no sign from him.  You can just feel the tiredness of Jesus' spirit here. 
• And so Jesus goes away in a boat with his disciples, but they forgot to take enough bread for everyone with them.  And while Jesus is trying to speak to them, the disciples are just worrying about bread.  And Jesus gets pissed.  And basically says, "Have you not seen all these things I've done?!"  Really, these disciples are not the brightest bulbs.  They've seen TWO huge feeding miracles and they're worried that they only have one loaf of bread on their boat?
• Then Jesus heals a blind man, but it takes two steps.  First, the man just sees fuzzy tree-like people.  Then he fully sees everyone.  Now, why is this?  Jesus has been healing for months now, and has even raised someone from the dead.  It seems like he should know how to do it, so it's not that he just didn't give the man enough Jesus-juice.  But can you imagine going from being totally blind to totally seeing?  That would be overwhelming.  Particularly if you've always been blind.  Maybe Jesus was giving him some time to adjust.  Maybe the biblical writer is showing us that we see in stages - we don't immediately see everything clearly, but Jesus/God helps us to grow in seeing what we are able to see.  Hmm, I don't think that sentence was written well, but maybe you know what I mean.

Mark, Day Eleven

Mark 7:24-37

• Oh no - this is the passage where Jesus seems horribly rude, and I just can't explain that away.  He enters a house, hoping to escape the crowd's notice, but of course, he doesn't escape.  Maybe that explains some of his snippiness - he's just plain tired and wants to be alone for a while.  Instead, a Gentile woman comes to him to ask him to heal (cast out a demon, actually) her daughter.  As far as I know, this is the first definitely Gentile (rather than Jewish) person who has requested Jesus' help.  And Jesus does not respond nicely, instead calling her a dog (because she's not Jewish).  Really, Jesus?  Really?!? 
• But the woman doesn't run from him.  She persists, saying "even the dogs under the table eat the children's crumbs" (v. 28, NRSV).  So even dogs can claim some small help, some small blessing.  Though she's not asking for a small blessing.  And because of her words, Jesus heals her daughter.
• Now, I've heard people try to explain this as Jesus testing the woman or trying to prove some point to the people he's with.  But it seems unnecessarily harsh and insulting just to prove a point.  From a man whose life is one of love, whose harsh words are usually reserved for the hypocritical religious elite.  It just seems rude and hurtful.  The only way this makes sense to me is to remember that Jesus is a man.  A God-man, yes, but still a man.  A man who wasn't born knowing all the secrets of the world (because he's a man with a man's brain so he couldn't hold all those secrets in his head).  A man who was raised in a particular family in a particular community in a particular culture.  And even though he challenges many of the ideas of his community, it still played a part in forming him.  So Jesus is learning as he grows and goes.  And maybe he needed this woman to challenge him to help him see that God's blessing is even for Gentiles.  What strikes me now is that Jesus listened to this woman.  He didn't just dismiss her from his presence.  He listened and learned.  Even when he was tired and didn't feel like it. 
• And then after healing the Gentile woman's daughter, he travels to another town and heals a man who couldn't talk (and maybe couldn't hear well).  And the more he tells people not to talk about this stuff, the more they do. 

Mark, Day Ten

Mark 7:1-23

• Another (very silly) reason I know Jesus is the Savior for me:  He's not concerned with hand-washing!  How is it I don't remember this little episode in Mark at all?  Seems like I should remember that religious leaders chastized Jesus' disciples for not washing their hands.  For those who don't know me - I am not a germaphobe.  Just the opposite, really.  I'm more careful if someone is sick or it's flu season just before we're about to travel, but on an average day, germs are not a big concern for me.  For example, we all share a cup for post-teeth-brushing at our house.  We share food.  We eat food that's dropped on the floor.  And we never, ever wash hands before dinner (unless they're obviously dirty).  Now, I do wash my hands when cooking (and after using the potty!), but once the cooking is done, all bets are off.  So how great is it that Jesus calls the Pharisees and scribes hypocrites for being worried about washed hands - hah! 
• "You abandon the commandment of God and hold to human tradition" (v. 8, NRSV).  I think it's easy to look down on those silly Pharisees for being worried about unimportant things (like hand-washing), but how often do we abandon God's commandments (i.e. love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul & mind; and love your neighbor as yourself) in order to hold to our own traditions?  Now, I think tradition can be a great and beautiful thing.  And I don't think Jesus is saying they should throw tradition out the window.  After all, it seems Jesus himself was washing his hands, just not some of the disciples.  But when tradition becomes so inflexible that it's equated with God's command and is used to exclude those who are different, then it's a problem.  Tradition should be fluid, open to new ideas and practices, open to new people.  And it should all flow from a heart focused on God. 
• I feel like there's a lot more than could be said about this small passage, but for now I'll stop by saying that I love that the writer of Mark wrote little asides to explain to the readers what the tradition was and what Jesus' words meant (they're written in parentheses in my translation).  This writer wasn't assuming his readers were familiar with Jewish ritual, apparently.  It was nice of him to take that into account.  And something we church-goers should probably take into account more, too!  (as I experienced recently here).

Mark, Day Nine

Yes, I know I skipped TWO days of posting on Mark, but it was mostly intentional.  I took a break from the computer.  I still read Scripture, but I didn't want to turn the computer on.  Sometimes I need a break from technology.  It's too easy to become tied to it.  But here's the next (long!) chapter of Mark.

Mark 6:

• First, Jesus goes home.  Which seems a little odd considering his family has been treating him poorly, but I guess we get homesick even when home life isn't perfect.  And what better place to practice healing and preaching good news than one's home, right?  Except it doesn't work out well.  Instead, these people who should have known him well rejected him.  They couldn't accept that this kid they'd watched grow up (or grown up with) had become something special.  "And He [Jesus] wondered at their unbelief" (v. 6, NASB).  What a sad time for Jesus.
• But he keeps up his traveling teaching and healing.  And he starts to send out his disciples in pairs to go do some traveling teaching and healing on their own.  And they did!  These disciples who seem pretty clueless about Jesus a lot of the time still did some good work.  They didn't need all the right answers.
• Then there's a strange little interlude where Mark explains how some people think Jesus might be John the Baptist returned from the dead, and he goes on to explain how John died.  Poor John.
• Then after their new teaching and healing duties, Jesus gathers the disciples and they go off in a boat to rest a while.  But people see them in the boat and gather on shore waiting for them - a huge crowd.  And so Jesus goes ashore, teaches, and feeds them.  Another regular Sunday School story.  I like that the crowd didn't just get enough food to quell their hunger - they all ate as much as they wanted and there were still leftovers.  Jesus provides an abundance.
• Then Jesus makes the disciples get in the boat again, but he goes off to pray by himself.  And that night when the sea becomes rough, he walks on the water out to them.  BUT, "he intended to pass them by" (v. 48).  Isn't that kinda funny?  He was walking out to them but didn't really want to get in the boat with them and would've just gone on by if they hadn't noticed him and been freaked out by this ghost on the water.  Jesus was just out for a stroll on the rough water.  And calming the water as he went, I suppose.  Makes our neighborhood walks seem kinda lame.  Being Jesus must've been fun sometimes.  Not all the time, but sometimes. 

A bit of our week in pictures

Some water fun in the backyard:

Notice the dead grass in the above picture.  Fortunately, we're not lawn snobs so it doesn't really bother us.  One advantage to this incredibly hot, dry weather - B doesn't have to mow!

Now a trip to Mill Mountain Zoo:

 

Look:  a rare picture of me - I do exist!

And finally, Bright One in her new nightgown, sewn by yours truly out of a pillowcase.  The straps aren't quite right.  I think I'm going to have to modify the neckline, but it's still super-sweet and she's sleeping in it right now.

Six for Saturday

This has been a somewhat difficult week for no particular reason.  Just small stresses adding up, and worrying about possible larger stresses, and feeling stuck.  But I started this blog to remind myself to look for the bright and beautiful, so here's some brightness I see when I take the time to pay attention:

1.  Dance parties!  We used to do this quite regularly as a family, but had let the tradition lapse for some reason.  Now we've brought it back, and at least every other night you can find us dancing crazily in our living room to tunes ranging from Justin Bieber to Lady Gaga.  I think My Man would love to be a DJ in another life, so he's in charge of the music, but both kids clamor for Justin B. now ("I want to marry Justin Bieber!").  Even Younger One tries to sing along (mostly by singing the "Oh"s in "Baby").  Dance parties are good exercise and good way to blow off steam.  And private - so no one is too appalled at my lack of rhythm :).  And the kids are hilarious, each with their own dance moves.

2.  Potty-training success!  I think this is my least-favorite part of being a parent, but the training is a little easier the second time around.  I still dislike it, but I'm not as stressed about it.  And Younger One is just easier than Elder One.  Anyone who says girls are easier to train than boys never met our Bright One!

3.  Renewed crafting energy.  I tend to make things in spurts, and I'm never very prolific, but when I get some ideas and inspiration, I get crazy excited about it.  Bright One has a birthday coming up so now I have some ideas for a couple of things to make for her special day (for at least one of those things, there's a good chance I'll completely screw it up, but I'm going to try!).  And I also just finished a sweet, simple nightgown for her.  She doesn't want to sleep in pajamas - only nightgowns.  But we only had one!  And it was getting rather ratty and too small.  So I found a great online tutorial for a super easy nightgown and decided to try it out.  I think it turned out pretty well.  Pictures later.

4.  Children who play together.  Younger One is old enough now that Elder One can play with him some.  There's often more squabbling than playing, but recently they've had some longish sessions of playing together nicely.  That's a lovely gift for me and for them.

5.  A job that allows me some freedom.  I'll admit that sometimes I have a hard time being thankful for my job.  Not because it's a bad job but because it's not exactly what I dreamed about doing.  But the hours work for our family; the people I work with are nice; having a job allows us to pay the bills; and my job is very unstressful.  Each of these points is really a huge blessing when I think about it.  It's a lot more than many people have.  And on top of that, I have some free time in my job, so I'm able to do a number of personal things on the job.  Let me be clear - I'm not skimping on my job duties.  I get my work done, but part of my job is just to be there when needed, so when I'm not needed, it's OK for me to work on personal things.  Which is nice, and means I don't need to get on the computer much at home.

6.  A free day, and a nap!  Today we had a whole day without any specific plans.  So we went to Mill Mountain Zoo (not a very impressive zoo, but it has a train!) this morning and then spent the afternoon with my in-laws, where I was able to take a nap on the couch!  I don't remember the last time I did that.  Or the last time I really needed it, but last night I stayed up 'til 11:30 working on above-mentioned nightgown, and then Bright One woke me up at 5:30.  5:30!!!  So the nap was a particularly lovely blessing today. 

And there have been other bright spots to the week, but I'll stop there for now.  It's been a good reminder about what's important. 

Mark, Day Eight

Mark 5

• This is a chapter of miracles.
• Jesus heals a demon-possessed man (and casts the demons into a herd of pigs, who then kill themselves - Jesus had a twisted sense of humor, I think).
• Jesus heals a woman who's been hemorrhaging for 12 years.
• Jesus raises a 12-year-old girl from the dead (a synagogue official's daughter).
• The first thing I notice is that when he heals the demon-possessed man, the people of the area react by becoming frightened and asking Jesus to leave.  That seems like such an odd reaction to healing - fright.  But Jesus was demonstrating amazing power, and he did kill their pigs (which Jewish people were not supposed to have anyway, right?).  Did they feel convicted by this righteous man?  Were they afraid of his judgment?  Why was no one happy about this healing (other than the man himself, of course)?  I guess he was so much an "other" to the community (not a part of the community) that they didn't feel overjoyed by his healing, like they presumably would have if he'd been one of their own.  It's too easy to ignore the stranger in our midst.
• And then I notice that Jesus actually tells the healed man to "report to them [his people in his hometown] what great things the Lord has done for you, and how He had mercy on you" (v. 19, NASB).  This is the first time Jesus says, "Preach it" and not "Be quiet about it."
• The healing of the hemorrhaging woman is actually sandwiched between the scenes about Jairus's daughter, which I remember from seminary is some kind of literary device that Mark uses often, but now I can't remember exactly what the reason for this is other than it means these two stories are intertwined someway in their meanings.  What strikes me about this particular story, though, is that Jesus doesn't allow the woman to be anonymous.  She's healed anonymously, but then Jesus calls her out to tell her, "your faith has made you well; go in peace and be healed of your affliction" (v. 34).  This woman must have been pretty sad and lonely - her affliction made her "unclean" and unable to worship with the community.  It was a stigmatizing thing.  So Jesus calls to everyone's attention that she is now well.  She can be a full part of the community now.  Jesus cares about physical healing, but he also cares about community relationships. 
• And finally - the raising of Jairus's daughter.  Jairus is a synagogue official.  He must've been really desperate to go to Jesus with this because the religious leaders, remember, are not liking Jesus these days.  At best, he probably would've been ridiculed for going to Jesus.  And possibly ostracized.  But his love for his daughter overcame his good sense, and Jesus not only heals her but brings her back to life.  And then Jesus goes back to his old ways, telling them not to talk about this.  Which maybe is because he's a synagogue official?  And his story would just inflame already volatile tensions among the religious leaders.  Jesus is wise and thoughtful.  He doesn't bang his message over the heads of people who are unable or unwilling to hear it.

Mark, Day Seven (or eight...we'll call it seven)

So I finally missed a day of posting about Mark.  And I have no excuse - I just forgot!  I remembered as I was getting into bed at 11:30 (very late for me).  Oh well, I'm making up for it by reading a whole entire chapter today!  And then not blogging about the whole chapter because it's just too dang long.  But here are some small thoughts on Mark 4:

• It begins with the Parable of the Sower (the one where seed gets scattered on various types of ground) and then Jesus' explanation of the parable.  This is one of those passages I've heard a gazillion times (that's Bright One's favorite number word right now - gazillion), and I don't have anything wise to say about it.  It's always seemed odd that Jesus says he teaches in parables so that the insiders will understand and the outsiders won't get it, but I must remember that in this case, the outsiders were the religious establishment who were plotting to destroy him.  So I guess it makes sense that he'd want to keep them guessing.  And he does explain the parables to his followers and disciples.  His slow disciples who seem to be a bit befuddled most of the time.  It must have been a crazy ride to be Jesus' friend. 
• There are also some kingdom parables in this chapter (i.e. the kingdom of God is like a mustard seed).  I read a sermon about one of these parables a week or so ago and was completely moved by it so I'm just going to link to it:  here.  It's seriously beautiful.  Check it out.
• And that's all for today.

Mark, Day Six

Mark 3:20-35

• In these verses, we see that the people who should be most supportive of Jesus turn out to be the people who are most critical.  Here's the basic breakdown:
• Jesus's family thinks he's crazy and decides to go get him.
• The scribes from Jerusalem (religious leaders who have traveled to see him) think he's Satan.  Jesus responds that they're crazy.
• His family shows up.  Jesus responds by saying that it's the crowd of people surrounding him who are his true family.
• How sad that Jesus' own family think he "has lost his senses" (v. 21, NASB).  Even his mother.  I can see how it would have been difficult to be Jesus' brother.  Can you imagine having a big brother who causes so much controversy wherever he goes?  And hogs the spotlight.  And doesn't help out at the carpentry shop anymore.  It would be pretty confusing.  But even Mary goes along with them.  Mary, who talked to an angel about Jesus.  But then, no one could have been truly prepared to have a son who defies expectations in so many ways.  I'll try to think of Mary when I'm confused by my own kids!
• It's less surprising that the scribes are anti-Jesus.  The Pharisees are already plotting against him, after all.  But to say he's possessed by the devil - that's pretty extreme.  And silly, as Jesus points out.  If the devil were in him, he wouldn't be getting rid of the devil's minions. 
• Then Jesus makes that strange statement that the only unforgiveable sin is blaspheming against the Holy Spirit.  Whatever that means.  After all, there was no doctrine of the Trinity at this time.  But he's protesting that they are calling him (who is Godly and Good) evil.  So they're completely blind to who God is.  To the kind of person God wants us to be.  And they're religious leaders.  They're the ones who should recognize God.  I'm thinking Jesus is harsher toward them than toward people who admit to being confused.
• And when his family shows up to take him home, it seems a bit harsh that he refuses to see them.  But they are only there because they think he's crazy.  It's no wonder the crowd is more family to him that his own family.  What a hard path that is to take (and stick with) - to be so very different, to choose the unexpected and difficult road, to act with love even when mostly it just gets you in trouble.  Can you imagine the online comments Jesus would get if he were preaching today?!?

On Being a Church Visitor

Today I visited a church I'd never been to before.  This is a rare occurrence for me these days.  And as much as I enjoyed and appreciated the worship, I was reminded of how disconcerting it is to be a visitor, particularly in a church culture different from your own.

I've grown up in church.  Almost every week of my life, I've gone to church.  Even when I lived abroad.  So I'm not a stranger to church culture.  But most of my experience is in Baptist, Lutheran, Presbyterian and Methodist churches (all mainly white).  Today I went to an Episcopal church. 

Oh, my.  I knew I would feel a little out-of-place in following their liturgy because I'm just not used to it.  But I'm not unfamiliar with liturgy, and I even use the Book of Common Prayer devotionally sometimes, so I didn't think I would be too discombobulated.  I was a little naive.

Part of the problem was that I was a couple minutes late because I realized when I got in the car this morning that it needed gas.  So I didn't have those extra few minutes I'd anticipated to adjust to my surroundings.  I'd never been inside this church before, and it's a beautiful old church.  But it has pillars among the pews, and I had to change seats just so I could see.  And they'd already started with the announcements so I didn't have a chance to peruse the bulletin and figure out how it was structured.

So from the very beginning I was scrambling.  Which book was I supposed to use?  What was I supposed to say and what was I supposed to sing (without music notes, btw)?  When was I supposed to kneel and how was I supposed to do that?  It was written in the bulletin when to kneel, but I missed the cue to put down your kneeler (what are those things called?) and then wasn't sure how to do it, so I just didn't.  I sort of leaned forward rather than kneeling.  I'm sure God didn't mind.  And hopefully no one next to me minded. 

Though my own church tradition is not very liturgical, I've been to more liturgical churches and really appreciate liturgy.  It's something I miss, actually, in my tradition.  But this is the first church I've been to that uses the BCP (Book of Common Prayer) and doesn't print out the liturgy in the bulletin.  This is probably common in Episcopal churches, but I'd never been to one before.  I was surprised that sometimes things are sung rather than spoken.  And sometimes lines are repeated that aren't written that way.  And sometimes sections are skipped.  I'm sure that if I went to this church every week, it would all be routine and I wouldn't even think about it, but as a visitor, I found myself feeling mildly confused much of the time. 

I've heard it said that Episcopal worship is boring.  That was not my experience at all.  Maybe it would be if I was used to it, but I found the worship pace to be pretty rapid.  I loved the music and the sermon, and the sermon was done by 30 minutes into the service!  The next 30 minutes were filled with the Eucharist. 

I managed to follow the Eucharist liturgy pretty easily, but then I realized that their Eucharist is the kind where you go up front and kneel.  And my first thought was, "Oh holy crap."  I hadn't done that kind of Eucharist since I was a kid at my grandparents' church, and I couldn't remember what exactly you were supposed to do.  I tried to watch, but I was at the back of the church and it was hard to see.  And then when it was my turn, I happened to be the first in my line - ugh.  And I went to the wrong place because I didn't see that there was a kneeling rail around the corner of a big pillar.  And I confused the minister who was passing the cup because I hadn't yet gotten the wafer because I was in the wrong place.  Argh!  And then I didn't know what I was supposed to do with my hands.  I felt like such a dweeb.  It's good that at least I was familiar with taking communion by intinction (dipping the wafer/bread into the cup).  Otherwise, I'm sure I would've made a complete fool of myself.

Oh my.  And remember, I'm familiar with the BCP, I knew there would be lots of reading and respondng, I knew there would be kneeling, I understand intinction.  I go to church every week of my life.  And I still felt like a dweeb.  Now let me be clear - I liked this worship very much, but I felt one step behind for much of it.  Now how would someone who is unfamiliar with church, or with these particular church forms, feel? 

I know I've heard (though I'm not sure exactly where) that it's good for long-time church members to visit other churches occasionally just to understand what it's like to be a visitor.  And I've even read (I think it was in Jim & Casper Go to Church) that it's good to hire visitors to come to your own church and fill out a survey about what their experience is.  That seems radical, I know - to pay someone to come to church for the sole purpose of filling out a survey (not to get them to become members).  But I understand how this could be helpful, to get a completely unbiased opinion on what it feels like to be new here.  Because what seems so normal to us regular-attenders may seem completely bizarre to a newcomer. 

I came away from today's worship with a new appreciation for anyone who's bold enough to step foot into a worship service for the first time.  Particularly if you don't know anyone there.  And it's not the tradition you've grown up in.  It takes a lot of courage.  And some willingness to stumble.  Hopefully, we regular-attenders will be gracious.

Mark, Day Five

Mark 3:1-19

• The chapter begins with another encounter in which Jesus goes against the rules - he heals on the Sabbath.  This seems like such a ridiculous thing to be upset about - how could healing ever be considered wrong at any time?  But it shows how tradition and society's rules (even rules that began with good intentions) can become like the Word of God to us, even when they're not.  And it strikes me as very sad that it is this episode that finally tips the scales against Jesus - because he healed someone, the Pharisees begin plotting against him.  Because he did something that seems so obviously good and beautiful, the religious establishment decides to destroy him. 
• So where in our institutional church are we trying to destroy that which is good and beautiful because we are blind to something outside our established tradition and rules?  I have some ideas on that, but I wonder what it is that I'm blind about?  Where are the lines that I'm drawing that shouldn't be drawn?  Or at least not so darkly? 
• Next Jesus goes to the sea, crowds follow, and he gets in a boat so he won't be crushed.  I hate crowds.  I wonder if I would've avoided this man just for that reason.
• And then Jesus goes up a mountain (presumably the crowd doesn't follow this time) and names the 12 disciples for the first time.  So even though a number of them were shown to have left everything and followed Jesus "immediately" when he asked, it's only now that they've been named disciples.  I wonder if there were others who initially followed Jesus but didn't stick it out? 

Mark, Day Four

Mark 2:13-28

• Jesus gains another disciple.  This time a tax collector named Levi (why isn't he named Matthew in this gospel? I don't know) who also just gets right up and follows this man.  Though by now Jesus is getting famous.  And people like him.  I can see how that would be appealing to a tax collector.
• The rest of the chapter is basically a series of questions people ask about and his disciples:
• Why does he eat with sinners?
• Why do his disciples not fast?
• Why are his disciples plucking grain on the Sabbath?
• Jesus answers each question, and I'm sure each could be analyzed individually, but what strikes me is that in each case, Jesus defies expectations by being less restrictive than his religious brethren.  Less concerned with following the rules.  Jesus accepts others - their joy, their hunger, their worth.  Here, it's the religious people who draw lines.

Our Week in Pictures

Some pictures from this week:

Sparklers!!!  The kids were too exhausted from our beach trip to make it until dark, but our Bright One still had fun (and she wasn't the only one). 

Chocolate!!! (this seems to be a common theme at our house)

We revived our Dance Party tradition this week.  Here's some rockin' out to Justin Bieber (and others).  Bright One finally figured out that he's not a beaver!

Upside Down Guitar (a favorite dance move around here):

Making more wrapping paper.  This time using liquid watercolors on packing paper.  Yes, I put my daughter to work for me.  But I made some, too!  No pictures of that, though.

And an ode from Sweet One to the one he loves:

If you look closely in the above video, you will see that Sweet One is sitting on a potty while singing his song.  We've finally had a little potty success - woohoo!!  Hopefully, this is the start of a trend and not a fluke.

Mark, Day Three

Mark 2:1-13

• Ah, here is what I think of as the VBS story.  It seems like at least half of all VBS's cover this story.  Seriously.  Maybe not anymore, but for a few years while I was a children's minister, it was definitely a favorite for VBS curriculum.  So I've read this story many times, and it's hard to come at it with fresh eyes.  But here's what I see:
• Jesus is being set-upon again.  They will just not leave this guy alone!  And this time, some friends even dig a hole in a roof to get their paralyzed friend to Jesus.  I wonder what the homeowner thought of that?  Wouldn't you be peeved?
• "And Jesus seeing their faith said to the paralytic, 'Son, your sins are forgiven.'" (v. 5, NASB)  I'm sure I've heard lots of sermons on this, about how the mans greater need was for forgiveness, not due to any particular evilness on his part, but because we all need forgiveness.  But if I was that man on that mat, I think I would've been highly disappointed in Jesus at this point.  Because how much sinning is this guy doing, really?  He's confined to a mat.  I know, I know - he can still sin in his heart and words and attitude.  But to the man and his friends and his community, his greatest felt need is to be healed. 
• And then Jesus does that, too.  Seemingly, just to prove a point (that he has the authority to forgive sins).  But he does it.  And since he's been healing lots of people for days and days now, the healing surely isn't ONLY to prove a point.  There's compassion there.  Recognition that though physical healing might not be the greatest need, it is still a very real and important need. 
• So Jesus provides healing for the felt need and for the un-felt need.  Even when we don't know what we need, Jesus gives it to us anyway (notice, the man didn't ask for forgiveness - Jesus gave it to him without his asking!).  So what I'm struck with here is Jesus' huge generosity.

And that's all for today, as I've got to get off the computer.  I was originally thinking this blog intention would take just a couple weeks (a chapter a day, and there's only 16 chapters), but now it looks like it might take a couple months!

Mark, Day Two

Mark 1:16-45

• There are at least 5 different scenes in these few verses.  It seems like Jesus is sprinting!
• So Simon, Andrew, James & John all leave "immediately" (vs. 18 & 20) to follow Jesus.  What kind of faith or craziness is that?  Jesus hasn't even performed any miracles yet.  He's just a preacher.  James and John even leave their father in the boat.  Isn't that a bit rude?!?  I guess they're all pretty young at this point.  Willing to leap at an exciting new experience.  I don't think I was ever that daring.  I'm too worried about security.
• Then Jesus evicts an unclean spirit.  This makes me uncomfortable.  I need some commentaries.  I'm not sure what to think about unclean spirits.  Is it really a spirit (I won't discount it because what do I know? but my 21st century self wonders about it)?  Is it a mental illness?  Just evilness?  Whatever it is, Jesus' objection to it here is just that the "spirit" knows him.  And talks about it.  So here is a case where witnessing is bad!  I wish I had thought of that when I was a teenager being encouraged to talk to random strangers on the beach.  This witnessing theme will return in a minute.
• But first Jesus has to heal Simon's mother-in-law. 
• And then he heals some more sick and possessed people.  And doesn't let the possessed ones speak "because they knew him" (v. 34).
• Then he goes away to pray, but the disciples hunt him down because "everyone is searching for you" (v. 37).  So he preaches and heals some more.
• And finally a leper comes to ask for healing, which Jesus gives.  And he tells him not to tell anyone.  But he does.  And really, how could he not?  What's he going to say to the priest when he shows up completely healed?  To his family and friends?  To the skeptics?  He's bubbling over with joy and gratitude and people are asking questions.  It would take superhuman strength not to tell.
• But now Jesus has to stay in the countryside because people are overwhelming him in town.  Jesus had his own paparazzi.  But even in the country, people come to him.  He must've been very tired.  He didn't have a gated home to hide in.  No bodyguards.  But I don't imagine he would've used such things anyway, except maybe for a brief breather.  Because the world needed him.

Home in the Valley

We've been back from the beach for a few days now.  I knew it would be hard to come home.  I miss the relaxed beach routine, the cable (particularly the craptastic reality shows - it's good we don't have cable), the seafood, the break from housekeeping, the time with family.  I don't miss the sand all over everything.  I do miss the lovely sound of the waves.

But there are bright things about being home.  Our comfortable (read: jumbly) space, our familiar stuff, our regular routine.  And the mountains.  We've lived here for more than a year now, and it still amazes me sometimes that I'm living in the mountains.  Not big mountains, mind you.  I'm sure many out west would just consider them hills.  But they are lovely mountains, nonetheless.  Our city is in a valley, so driving through the city, focusing on the road in front of me, it's not immediately obvious we're in the midst of mountains.  Until I look up.  And sometimes, still, I catch my breath.

I lived in a valley once before.  For about 6 months after college, I lived in Tuzla, Bosnia.  Tuzla is a bit different than Roanoke.  The valley is smaller, the mountains more obvious, the city more crowded.  It was a fascinating place, and I didn't think much about the fact that I was in a valley until I traveled to Zabreb, Croatia.  Zagreb is flatter, still crowded, but with open space surrounding the city.  I remember driving through that open space for the first time and feeling like suddenly I could breathe.  The openness was so refreshing, life-giving, hopeful.  For the first time, I understood why people find the plains beautiful.  Why some people find the abundantly green and tree-filled Eastern US to be claustrophobic.  Because that's how I felt in Tuzla - claustrophobic.  For bigger reasons than the scenery, but the landscape seemed to mirror my psyche.

So I never imagined myself going back to the mountains for more than a visit.  But here I am.  And this time, the mountains don't mirror my psyche - they encourage me to come out of my psyche, to look up and out. 

I'm not good at moving.  Never have been, despite how much practice I've had.  It's easy for me to curl up into myself.  To focus too much on my discomfort, my frustration, my fear, my wishing.  I lean toward melancholy.  But sometimes as I'm driving home, I look up and find the mountains.  And sometimes, when I'm paying attention, they remind me of the wideness, the bigness, the beauty in the world.  Somehow, here in this valley, the mountains are refreshing, life-giving, hopeful.  They remind me to be breathe. 

Mark, Day One

Mark, Chapter 1:

• First, I know that Mark is the short, quickly-paced Gospel, and I kind of like that - not just the shortness, but the sense of dynamic movement and energy.  But the chapters themselves are not short!  There's a lot crammed into them, so I think I may just focus on half a chapter at a time.  We'll see.
• Chapter 1 begins with John the Baptist and Jesus' baptism, and I love Mark's dramatic depiction of that - "he saw the heavens torn apart and the Spirit descending on him like a dove" (v. 10, NASB).  A dove seems like a sweet, gentle bird, but this doesn't seem like a sweet, gentle baptism.  This is a different kind of peace - tearing into the world.  Also, do you notice that it says "he" saw the heavens torn apart?  Not the crowd, necessarily.  Or John.  Just Jesus.  Maybe that's being too picky.  Maybe the crowd saw it, too, but wouldn't there have been some crazy reaction if they had?  Maybe this was a special encouragement and vision for Jesus alone.
• Next is the temptation, which Mark describes in one sentence: "He was in the wilderness forty days, tempted by Satan; and he was with the wild beasts; and the angels waited on him." (v. 13).  No mention of fasting, as in Luke and Matthew.  And the angels waited on him!  I'm pretty sure I never saw that in those Sunday School lesson pictures.  I think I grew up with the idea that Jesus was cast into the wilderness to prove his mettle against the devil.  That this was some huge test Jesus had to do alone.  But he wasn't alone.  He had companions - animals and angels.  Even in the wilderness, Jesus had community.

And that's enough for today.  I'll finish chapter one tomorrow (hopefully!).

I Am a Hypocrite (and so I'm setting a blog intention)

I've been thinking about how much I'm a hypocrite when it comes to the Bible.  I'm a seminary-educated Christian who professes to love the Bible.  I enjoyed my NT and OT classes and would gladly take them again.  I take the Bible seriously and hate it when people quote verses out of context or without considering the culture in which it was written or the general scope and progression of the whole Bible.  I read and listen to sermons regularly (by choice).  I read books that reference and exposit the Bible.  I want my children to receive a formational Biblical education (as opposed to just memorizing Bible points).  I believe the Bible is a beautiful, inspired (and inspiring) work that is foundational for my faith.  And yet I hardly read it.

I used to.  As a teenager, I was zealous about reading every day and read all the way through at least once, all the begats included!  As an adult, I've gone through periods of regular reading, but they rarely stick for long.  Mostly I read what needs to be read for the Sunday School lesson I'm teaching a group of kids.  And when I'm not teaching, I'm likely not reading.  Except for whatever is included in a sermon or other reading material.

I seek out sermons and articles and books, and yet I don't read the source material!  I'm not sure exactly why.  How hard is it to read just a chapter a day?  Mostly, I think it's because sermons and articles and books do the background work for me.  They make Scripture come alive in a way that's harder for me to experience on my own without a stack of commentaries.  There's so much history I don't remember.  So much tradition I don't know.  So much literary analysis I can't do.

I'm not a good literature reader.  It's the science major in me, I suppose.  I was always a little baffled by the connections and symbols and themes my English teachers would find in our required reading.  I was good at writing papers about those things, but not good at seeing them on my own.  Even in seminary, I could write good papers, but mostly I was just compiling others' work rather than coming up with anything inspiring or insightful on my own.  I remember being amazed at a friend's OT expository paper - she didn't use a single source but wrote 10 pages of beautiful, insightful stuff that came all from her own reading.  I was envious.  Still am. 

But just because I'm not a good literary critic or a particularly insightful reader doesn't mean I shouldn't pick up my own Scripture.  And so I'm setting a blog intention.  Not a resolution - an intention.  Resolution seems too scary and restrictive and bound-to-be-broken.  Intention seems to offer a little more freedom and grace in failure.  Because I'm sure I'll fail at some point.  But hopefully I'll jump back on that intention rather than be completely defeated by it.  So here it is:

I intend to daily read one chapter of Mark and blog my response to it.  Sometimes my response may be little more than a sentence.  My response might be passionate or it might be apathetic.  I'm trying not to place too many expectations on this (for instance, expecting that I'll suddenly see something I've never seen or feel some great passion or commit to some great discipline).  I just want to be better about aligning my belief (that the Bible is way important to a bright life of faith) to my action (actually reading it).  So here's hoping the blogosphere will help me stick to my intention!

Beach Week in Pictures

A few pictures from our Beach Week:

Jumping over the (very rough!) waves.  Elder One and Elder Cousin were fearless!

Playing in the Sand.  The only beach activity acceptable to Younger One (well, that and eating).  Even after a week, he still runs from the waves, but doesn't get quite so freaked out when the water touches him.

Burying Pops!  Pops is very good-natured and just couldn't say no!

Fun in the Pool, which Younger One finally decided was a great thing.  He much preferred the pool to the beach.

Putt-Putt!  Or I guess I should say Adventure Falls Golf!  Younger One was convinced she had won because she got 91 points and the rest of us only got in the 40s & 50s!

Contemplating the beauty of the ocean.  OK, so she's really just waiting for the next wave to hit her, but it looks kinda contemplative, right?

Posing for pictures (I think I have about 20 of her with the same cheesy pose - as soon as she sees a camera, this is what she does):

Now it's almost time to go home.  Dangit.

It's been a good break.  And yes, I really am at the beach.  But I don't think there's a single picture of me to prove it!