quitting

We're now 2 weeks into summer break (for the kiddoes anyway...I still have class, ugh). It started well. A week of Art Camp that both kids enjoyed. Lazy afternoons of too much TV. Evenings of grilling out and playing with neighbors.

But then we hit week 2, the week I had signed The Girl up for Girl Scout camp, and we hit a snag. Turns out The Girl hates Girl Scout camp. We signed her up thinking she would enjoy it, but no. It's hard to get a straight story from a very dramatic 7-year-old, but her angst seems to stem from a combination of strict leaders (who don't let them splash in the creek!), boredom with too little activity planned, and feeling left out and lonely in this large group.

Now, we know another girl who is at this camp who seems to love it, so there's not anything seriously wrong with the camp. I'm sure most girls love it. But My Girl doesn't.

So what do we do? We've already paid for 2 weeks. Should she stick it out and hope it gets better? There's value in learning to carry through with things even when it's hard. No doubt. I don't want to teach my kids that quitting at the first sign of difficulty is OK.

BUT, summer is short. Girl Scout camp is not necessary. Childcare is, but Art Camp will gladly take her next week.

This has been a long, hard year for My Girl. She had to carry through with 2nd grade, even though she didn't want to go almost every single day. She also had to stick with piano when she didn't want to practice and stay on the softball team when she wanted to quit. Those were good lessons - school is not an option; she loves how much piano she can play now; she ended up having a great softball year. We've taught her at least a little that you can't just quit, not always.

But sometimes you can.

I remember what it was like to stay at a camp that I didn't enjoy, even though there was nothing wrong with the camp and everyone else seemed to be loving it. It didn't get better. I hated it as much the last day as I did the first.

I remember what it was like to endure a job position that was not good for me, even though everyone around me seemed to be having a good experience. Though I learned a lot from that time, I came home with scars.

My Girl is only 7. I'd like to give her a scar-free summer.

And so we're taking the easy way out and pulling her from camp. Maybe it's the wrong decision. Maybe I'm letting my own angst get in the way of a better lesson. But for this week I'm opting for responding to her desires. This week the lesson I'm choosing is What-You-Like-Matters.

Sometimes quitting is OK. Sometimes.

a new venture

My Man and I have started a new blog together:

Do Not Hinder Them

Our intention is to write about faith practices with children, specifically faith practices within the family (rather than just the church building).

We believe that faith begins and develops more at home (much more) than at church, but there's a tendency in our culture to leave faith education up to the age-based ministries that happen in the church building. There are lots of children's ministry resources focused on putting together a dynamic program, but programs are valuable only as the beginning of a faith conversation, not the end. My kids are at church more than most, but it's still only a few hours a week (which is plenty!). What they're taught at home, either through intention or unintention (non-intention?) matters more.

Which doesn't mean that church education doesn't matter. It does. Church is important for building community, for increasing a faith story foundation, for worship, for intentional time spent with a focus on experiencing God/dess. I have lots of opinions about what I want church to look like for my children! But I'll be honest here and say that many of those opinions have to do with what I don't want church to be for my children. I don't want them to experience fear in their faith; I don't want them to worry about fitting in with a certain church culture; I don't want them to learn an us/them mentality; I don't want them to feel judged or dread going to this place where their dad works (ah, the trials of a minister's kid); I don't want them to think of church as a place for entertainment.

What, then, do I want for them? And for me. And for us.

That's what we'll be talking about over at the new blog. We'll be speaking not as experts, but as try-ers. We believe that faith at home is of primary importance, but how are we intentional about that? We believe that church programs for children should be more experiencial and intergenerational, but how do we implement that? We believe that our own spiritual lives as parents and people are important (to our kids, our community, ourselves, God/dess), but what does that look like for a working couple?

We don't have answers, just some ideas, which I'm sure will change and mold over time.

I must admit that I am nervous. More nervous than I ever was about this small personal blog. I keep thinking, "We don't really know anything. What if we get it wrong? What if we're utter failures at trying on new ideas? What if we're just a disappointment?" The blog was my idea as a different way for my husband, the children's minister, to communicate with church families about faith development. But it's also this great desire of mine to have more conversation about this topic, to have more accountability, to encourage myself to think and practice more consistently with my family.

I don't know where this new blog will lead or what it will look like, really. It will change and mold as we do, I suppose. But we'd love to have you join in conversation with us there if you'd like. Let's encourage one another!

fun finds for friday

Nothing serious today. Just some fun little things that I have enjoyed recently:

• Freezie pop molds (silicone) - I love these things! My children clamor for the cheap freezie pops that come in neon colors in long plastic tubes and are mostly water, high fructose corn syrup, food dye and fake flavoring. I understand. I loved them as a kid, too, and I don't mind my kiddoes indulging in such a treat occasionally, but I only want it to be occasionally, and since they tend to get them other places, I'd rather not have them at home. But now we can make our own with whatever ingredients we want! The molds work with just juice or more complicated smoothie recipes, and the kiddoes love them just as much as the neon kind. Makes me happy.

• Art Box - My Boy is going to a birthday party for a little girl from his class next week. I don't know this little girl or her family very well, so I wasn't sure what to get for her other than the typical Disney Barbie-type present. And while we have certainly given our share of Disney Barbies (and own a few), I just wanted to do something different. So I made this Art Box, full of kid-friendly art supplies. It's a gift I would love :), but I don't know about this little girl. Maybe she and her family will think this is a weird gift, but I figure even if they don't really use the art supplies, the stackable plastic storage box (which I found at ACMoore) would be great for organizing other things. And you can never have too many organizers! I thought about painting the little girl's name on it but decided instead to use stickers. It's not ideal, as they'll come off, but then they can easily repurpose the container if they want.

• LOTS of Wood Craft Pieces - A couple months ago we started running out of craft paper. The Horror! The kiddoes were down to using those paper pads you get for free from businesses with their logo and info across the top. While they didn't seem too worried by this, I did finally decide it was time to re-stock the supply, and the best place to get craft paper of many kinds is Discount School Supply. But DSS is the best place to get all kinds of craft items, and if you spend $80, you get free shipping, so how could I pass that up? I ask you, HOW?!? So, much to My Man's surprise, I easily spent the necessary minimum for free shipping, partly because I ordered 2 awesome boxes of wood craft bits. One box is 5 lbs of finished pieces - just a random assortment, so you don't know what you'll get, but what we got was a box full of fun! The kiddoes loved going through it and immediately started building and imagining with our assortment (spools, disks, blocks, spindles, knobs, shapes, etc.). The other box is 10 lbs of pine scraps. These need to be sanded before they're used, but they're a great base for building projects, and I can imagine using them for all kinds of imaginative craftiness. Yesterday, we started painting some of the pieces with liquid watercolor (also from DSS), and they're beautiful! The watercolor acts kind of like a stain, so you can still see the grain of the wood, but the colors are very vibrant. Some of our pieces will continue to be used for play, some for making permanent structures and gifts.

• Carport Porch - As seen in the above picture, we've started using our carport as a side porch sometimes. We have a large back patio, but it doesn't have shade, and there's no door with direct access to it (why the builders didn't put a door in the dining room, I'll never understand). The lack of a back door has bugged me since we first moved in, but it turns out that the carport is great for playing, eating, and crafting since it's large and shaded. Why did we not think of this before?? Ah well, it's turned into a lovely multipurpose space where we can enjoy being outside without being baked. Love it!

So what small things have you enjoyed recently?

'round Roanoke update

It's been more than a month since I declared:

I, Susan of Roanoke, shall attempt to experience one new Roanoke-y thing every week!

Well, I can't say I've lived up to this declaration. Partly because I got sick with a horrible cold that made me want to sleep all day (and cough all night) so I had no energy for exploring for a couple weeks. But now that the cold is gone, we have done some "Roanoke-y" things that we've really enjoyed!

We finally hiked up to Peaks of Otter (the tip-top of a mountain). We cheated - we didn't hike all the way but took the bus most of the way and only walked the last 1500 feet, but that was perfect. It was enough hiking to enjoy the wildflowers and the rocky overlooks, but not so much that we were miserable or whiny. We ate our lunch at the top, and then hiked back down. I was, however, reminded that I am somewhat scared of heights. I'm fine if I feel secure, but being near an edge where it feels like I (or my child) could fall over makes me feel nauseous. No tightrope walking for me!

Tippy-top of Peaks of Otter
You can't see all the little gnats flying around our faces!

We also enjoyed walking and biking on the Roanoke Greenway from Wasena Park to Smith park. The kiddoes loved playing on the playgrounds and the new greenway fitness equipment. We all enjoyed flinging/skipping rocks in the river, and the kids managed to ride their bikes on the trail without knocking anyone over! 

We've been blessed with some beautiful weather, and I've loved being outside with no real agenda other than enjoying the day and noticing the beauty. 

monday musings: talk, do, struggle, live

I've gone a bit quiet on the blog the last couple of weeks. I've been feeling like all of my thoughts are expressed better in writing by others, so there's no need for me to add to the Internet mix. And that's true - there's no need. But I started this blog for my own spiritual practice and for my children. Those goals haven't changed. Maybe I need to just write and not worry about whether it's meaningful enough.

So here's something I've been thinking about:

I was thinking today about the word I picked as my focus for this year - voice. It seems ironic to me right now, as I feel little motivation to have a voice, and I'm so tired of talking. Not the physical act of talking, which I don't do that much of, honestly. But the sometimes incessant chatter of my world. Classes, meetings, blog posts, news, church - there's so much noise. Much of it is good noise, good thoughts expressed, important news shared, thoughtful analysis given. But I'm tired of so much talking and thinking.

I want more doing.

I need more doing.

It's easier to talk (or in my case, it's easier to listen). It's harder to do.

Don't get me wrong...talking is an important part of doing, especially for those who are writers and speakers illuminating life, struggling with the difficult places, encouraging a new vision. Voices play a profound role in shaping our communities. Voices challenge us. Voices reveal we are not alone. Voices lift us up (or tear us down). I deeply value those who write and speak. They are often a lifeline to me, and I love that we can hear and talk to so many people. I love that we gain a broader perspective and think new thoughts because of the hard, beautiful work of writing and speaking artists. I love that we can become community by the sharing of words.

But community isn't just words.

It's easy (for me) to get caught up in the talking and the listening and stop there. I don't allow the talking to mold the choices I make...not really, or not enough. The voices may begin a work on transformation in my soul, but the transformation is incomplete when it doesn't reach to my hands and feet. I don't let the voices fully change me.

I don't let Her Voice change me.

I need the voices, and the Voice. I need to cultivate my own voice. But I also need to step away from a voice box and move my hands and feet. I need connection. I need to serve. I need to love, in physical life-giving ways which includes my voice but doesn't stop there.

And I need to recognize love and service and purpose in the daily minutiae of the life I am already living. I need to see the worth as it is, as I am. I tell My Girl every day, "God made you beautiful," which I believe wholeheartedly about her but tend to disbelieve about myself. I see the brokenness and the shortcomings and the apathy and the mistakes. I see the shadow, which is important, but I also need to see the light.

There is such a tension here:

• To recognize the light and beauty and wonder of life as it is AND
• To strive to see more light, to create more beauty, to share more wonder...to change.

Both are hard. Both are infinitely valuable. And both are worth the struggle.