education regrets and steps

I have struggled recently with regretting my education.  Not the fact that I have an education, but the lack of practicality in my education.  A bachelors degree in chemistry plus and a masters of divinity degree do not qualify me for very many jobs.  And right now, I'm wishing they did.  I was never very career-driven and always imagined I'd be a missionary or a minister of some kind if I had a career at all.  But that didn't work out.  And though part of me would love to be a stay-at-home mom, it's just not an option for us.  Maybe that's good - I might be a lazy stay-at-home mom. 

And so I've wished and wished I had a more practical education.  Something that would qualify me for more than secretarial work (not that there's anything wrong with being a secretary, but it's not where I dreamed all that expensive education would lead). 

But I've wished and regretted far too much.  Because even though I don't use my chemistry degree, I loved my time at Duke and made some of the best friends of my life there.  I wouldn't be the same person today without that particular college experience.  And even though I don't use my M.Div. degree in any professional capacity, I loved my time at seminary, and it shaped my faith development in ways I am very thankful for.  I wouldn't be the same person today without that particular graduate experience.  And I also wouldn't have met my husband or had my two beautiful kids or met any of the many wonderful people I've known along the way.  So even though my education wasn't practical in career or financial terms, it was a huge blessing in so many other, more important ways.

But now that my original education is behind me and the financial realities of raising a family in this area are before me, I feel the need for a plan.  It would be so easy to coast along as I am, but I'm not really happy with that, so why not at least dream about a different future?  A few years ago, I looked into going back to graduate school, but then I had unexpected heart surgery.  And then I had another baby, so school plans were put on hold.  Now, though, my baby isn't a baby anymore, and it seems like the time to explore that option again.  I've been putting it off for about a year because I just don't see how we can swing the financial and time needs of another degree program, but that's a short-term worry, right?  With loans and creative scheduling, maybe it'll work.  Maybe.  I won't know unless I try! 

So this week I finally wrote a couple people at a local school to ask some questions.  And I've just about picked out the program I'd like to pursue.  I'm worried and nervous about this, but I'm also hopeful.  Just a small step forward, even when I'm not sure where that step will lead, helps me to feel less stuck.  I believe a bright future calls, if only I'm willing to step into it.