asking for help

A couple months ago, I went to a baby shower for a first-time mom.  At some point during the shower, a pad of paper was sent around, and we were supposed to write funny stories or advice about being a mom.  Now, if you know me at all, you know I HATE being put on the spot.  Even on paper.  Having to come up with something cute or witty or meaningful when that paper is thrust into my hands - ugh.  I need time to think about these things, people!  But I did manage to pull one piece of advice out of my very small hat - ask for help when you need it.

I didn't do this very well as a first-time mom.  As everyone says, nothing can prepare you for the roller-coaster ride of parenthood.  But there are people who can help along the way.  And I should've asked for help more often.  I should've asked for help when my beautiful baby was crying all night long and I just needed a nap during the day so that I could feel human again.  I should've asked for help in choosing a pediatric orthopedist rather than just accepting the first doctor they sent me to (who wasn't a pediatric doctor - I didn't even know there were pediatric orthopedists - boy was I naive).  I should've asked for help when my little girl was showing signs that something wasn't quite right developmentally.  Even though we weren't sure, I should've asked for help.  Eventually I did ask for help, and we got help for her, but it would've saved us some worry if we'd asked sooner.

I don't know why it's so hard to ask for help.  Did I buy in to a cultural attitude of do-it-yourself-ness?  Or is it my ingrained reticence that keeps me quiet when I should speak?  Honestly, much of the time when I should've asked for help, it never occurred to me to ask.  It wasn't that I was consciously thinking, "I can do this myself; I can take care of it myself."  There were just some questions I never thought of.

But now that I've had some experience with asking questions, I find myself much more willing.  When it comes to my family, at least.  So when I found out yesterday that My Girl is again showing signs of struggling with sensory processing disorder, I immediately sent out a couple of e-mails and started scouring google for tips and suggestions on helping her.  I know that some parents are leary of having their child labeled with any kind of developmental problem.  I am not one of those parents.  I understand that we don't want a child's sole identity to be wrapped up in a disorder, but I would much rather My Child carry a label and get help than be label-free and just muddle through.  If there's anyone in the school system (or outside of it) who can help her (and us) with her struggles, then I'm all for it. 

I have this horrible suspicion that I'm much less capable willing to ask for help for myself, though.  I have no problem asking for My Girl, but for me?  That's a whole different ball of wax (where did that saying come from - wax? really? ewww).  Maybe it doesn't seem as urgent for myself.  Maybe it's more embarrassing.  Maybe I'm just not sure who to ask.  Yes, all of those.  But we're created to be a communal people.  And as much as I'd rather be the one doing the helping (prideful?), it's just as important for me to ask and allow others to help me. 

I was reading somewhere (I would link to it, but I don't remember where it is - argh!) that one of the best things you can do when trying to build a relationship is to ask for help.  Not in a taking-advantage, manipulative kind of way, but in an honest "I need some help with this and think you have something to offer" kind of way.  I know that I am happy to help someone else when I can, and feel honored if they specifically ask me, so why am I so hesitant to be the one asking? 

As I seek help for My Girl, I hope I will also consider where I can seek help for myself, even when it doesn't seem so urgent.  I believe God wants more for our lives than just muddling through.  I don't want to be a muddler.  I want to see and know This Bright Life, after all :) !