one year, three months

One year and three months. That's how much longer I will keep my current job (probably). One year and three months!  I'll still have another 5 months after that until graduation, but in one year and three months I'll start a full-time internship so I won't be able to work another job. If I ignore the fact that that internship will be unpaid and I'm not sure how we'll pay the bills that semester (must not hyperventilate!), I'm so psyched! 

Oh, I know I'll miss the relaxed office and friendly commeraderie. I'll miss being able to plan my grocery list and write on a blog and do homework - all while "working." (yes, I know I used quotation marks incorrectly). But I won't miss feeling like the resident heretic. I won't miss hearing faith conversations around me that make me want to scream. I won't miss knowing that as much as I like you office guys, you would exclude me from some of your church activities based on my gender and my beliefs.

Of course, I feel like that at my own church - not that I would be excluded but that I'm a resident heretic. At least, I would be if they knew. Mostly I keep my mouth shut, and when I do argue or challenge some book-writer, it's not generally about controversial stuff. The one time I questioned the exclusive nature of our traditional evangelical interpretation of John 14:6 (and let's face it, I really didn't say much other than, "we forget to look at the context"), I got jumped on. So mostly I stay quiet, which is pretty easy for me as I'm a naturally quiet person. I'm not a wave-maker. I'm a go-with-the-flow-er.

But that can be very lonely. And cowardly. And not always what I want to teach my children. I believe in tact and kindness and loving those who are different than me. But I also believe in honesty, and sometimes waves should be made to advance the tide.

Maybe in one year and three months I'll be braver. Actually, make that one year and eight months, when hopefully I'll have a paying job. Maybe I'll have more courage. Maybe. But probably not.