making plans

I feel like I've entered a holding pattern. A couple weeks ago, I was gung-ho about making plans - for the family, for the kids, for the fall. Now I've just stopped. Because I'm waiting.

Waiting for the mad rush to hit. And hit it will - next week! School orientation - MY orientation - starts on Tuesday. And then the madness will truly begin.

So I'm holding onto the somewhat still moments right now. Somewhat, because I've still been spending lots of time in the kitchen, but that time of experimenting and planning for stream-lined whole foods production is in itself a kind of stillness. Even in the kitchen I am quiet and waiting and bracing myself for the onslaught of a new adventure.

Fortunately for me, the kiddoes have been playing amazingly well together. Oh, there are clashes, of course. But for long periods of time they travel into their own world of cars and fairies and birthdays and stories, needing very little intervention from me. Sometimes I start to feel guilty about my lack of activity-planning for them, but then I see how much fun they are having on their own! And I am thankful for it.

In these dog days of August, I feel like I've entered the last day of vacation. That day when I really want to relish in the fleeting moment but instead find myself bracing for departure.

In my head, I believe it's important for me to look ahead and make plans for our family. I believe it's important partly because if I don't make plans, I know the days are going to pass in a whirlwind of class and work and schoolwork and home-work, and those fleeting, all-important times of community and togetherness may get lost in the shuffle. I don't want that.

But I also don't know how to plan right now. I don't know how difficult balancing it all will be. Maybe I truly won't have time for any extras without losing my sanity. Maybe rest is the only thing I should plan. Or maybe I need to get out our calendar and start making plans.

Maybe. I don't know. And so I wait.