thursday thoughts

I'm in the middle of the mad dash to the end of the semester. No time for organized thoughts, just a dumping ground:

• It's almost over!!! The semester from heck, that is. Actually, it hasn't been as bad as I feared it would be, but I'm still mighty ready for it to be done. This morning The Girl told me she would be glad when I wasn't a student anymore because she doesn't get to see me much right now.  Fortunately, the rest of the schoolyear should be better as it's supposed to be all downhill from here.
• The Girl's first piano recital is tonight. I'm hoping she'll play toward the beginning and then The Boy will flip out (AFTER her pieces) so I can leave (!). Except I think The Man might wrestle me for the privilege of being the one to walk out (and we know who would win that match).
• Yesterday I tried to price what it would cost us to go to DisneyWorld. *sigh* Too much, of course. I don't know why I did that to myself.
• I'm tired of facebook making me feel like the uncool kid who never gets invited to the parties (still). Stupid facebook, I know it's not your fault, but I love/hate you.
• I read this post about sexual trafficking and just about lost my faith in God/dess (again). I do not understand how there can be such evil and suffering in the world if a good God/dess is somehow over it all. I get that in our freedom, we are free to make and do awful things. But shouldn't there be a line somewhere that can't be crossed? I still believe (partly because the alternative is worse - that there is no ultimate "love wins"), but I feel closer to the agnostics these days. I still love the message of Jesus, but it's hard to see God/dess in the daily rape and torture of young girls.
• I want a sabbatical from church. It's not gonna happen, but it sounds nice, nonetheless. I don't want a break from community. Just the opposite, in fact. I want to find community. But I also want space for some spiritual intention and searching and listening and trying, and sometimes (often) it's hard to find that (for me) in church. It may be my own issue more than the church's (I think it's a combination), but the issue is real and only seems to loom larger as time goes on. How did I get to this place? And where do I go from here?

Huh. These were kind of dark and dreary thoughts. To match the rain today, I guess. I should've titled this Thursday Thankfulness and forced myself to look for the gifts. There are many, after all.

• a whole afternoon alone with My Man for his birthday.
• a lovely wedding in which my Friend smiled a big, huge smile the entire day.
• children who are healthy and run to me even before I get out of the car.
• a home with much, much more than I need.
• extended family who love and care without strings.
• springtime. even in the rain.
• friends who understand my angst and love me anyway.
• hope for a new tomorrow.

There is goodness in the midst.