support group

Now that I've finished my first fieldwork assignment for school, I've decided that we should all have a support group. Not just a group of friends or family, not just a group of people who will support you when life goes wonky; but a true, formal support group that meets regularly and officially.

There are no support groups for part-time secretaries who go to school full-time and have a family but don't have specific healthcare needs.

It's unfortunate.

Because I would love to be a part of a group that intentionally shares struggles and triumphs and everything in between. I know we do this with our friends and family, and maybe part of my desire stems from the fact that my circle of friends and family is small, but so often what we share with these circles is surface-y everyday stuff. What I share is what's going on with the kids; what My Man and I are are doing/planning; what's happening at school/work; maybe how I'm feeling, maybe not. All of this is good, important stuff that is crucial in community and a life shared, but sometimes it would be nice to have a space that was set apart for deeper things.

My husband says he has to read this blog to know the deep internal things of me.

And it's true - I don't say these bloggy things out loud very often. Not because I won't or don't want to, but because there's no specific space for it. Maybe that's why I keep writing to the handful of you who read these inner ramblings. It's a space for me to get out what is in.

I am grateful for this space, for this little piece of soul that lets me be small-ly known in the depths and the shallows. But this space is not enough. I edit myself in this space. I am not completely, unabashedly me. In the back of my mind I am always worrying about internet safety, oversharing, confidentiality. There are boundaries. Healthy (I hope) boundaries, but restraining boundaries.

And let's face it, blogging lets me be something of a coward because I know that some of those I love will read it and know, so I'm freed from the obligation to say it out loud.

But there's no substitute for looking someone in the eye. For a laugh heard, a tear caught, a hand held.

So I want a support group. A group that meets intentionally to share the inner life that is too often obscured. A group that accepts weakness, enourages growth, practices kindness, shines light into the dark places, and reminds us that we're not alone, even in the hidden depths. Not a class. Not a club. Not a movie night or dinner out.

A support group.

Now if I could just snap my fingers and make it happen. Anyone wanna join me in the snapping?
Yes?
No?

Maybe someday.