gearing up



photo by ralphbijker, flickr.com


Since returning from our annual beach vacation with my parents, I found it more difficult than usual to get back into the swing of daily life (including blogging!).  There's more than one reason for this, but one of those reasons is: OH MY WORD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?! I CAN'T BE A STUDENT AGAIN! 

I've passed the initial excitement phase and am fully in the trembling fear phase.  OK, so maybe that's a little bit of an exaggeration.  Little bit. 

I feel too old to be starting over, too broke to be taking on such debt, too busy to commit so much time.  I don't fear the academics so much as I fear the amount of time I'll have to invest in it.  I was no good at all-nighters even when I was 20.  How will I manage it all and still be a positive presence in my family?  I don't know.  I just don't know. 

But I know that the long-term goal is valuable.  I know that ultimately this step is about giving our family more flexibility, not less.  And so I know I've got to walk into that classroom, fear or no fear.  And I've got to be a better scheduler! 

I've been slowly working my way back into post-vacation home-management.  And I'm slowly trying to plan for a workable schedule that still allows me time with my family and for the activities I believe are important.  I'm usually a bit of a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of gal, particularly when it comes to a daily schedule.  That's going to have to change some.  But I know I'll never be able to fully plan for the life I'm about to step into, so hopefully that fly-by-pants nature will allow me to bend rather than break during these next 2 years.  Hopefully.